It has been awhile since I wrote in the journal.  It will be 9 months since the official filing of our non-profit, and I am feeling the birthing pains.  I am still feeling the uncertainty of all of it.  

There have been strides, to be sure.  We have some new meetings, the first HA (Heroin anonymous) meeting ever in Peoria is now being hosted at the Community House, the CA (Cocaine anonymous) group has hit the ground running, and the Yoga is, if not helping others, helping me to connect to my body and breath as I move through this very unsettling process of starting up this non-profit.

I wrote in the last post that I needed to let go of something, and I am feeling the loss of the connection with my online spiritual community generated in the Consciousness Explorations conversations.  Having come from the hard sciences, obtaining a PhD from the Center for Molecular and Behavioral Neuroscience at Rutgers, it might be surprising that I believe consciousness to be primary to the material world.  Perhaps it is more of a direct interplay, like the edge of a living jelly fish, and the force of consciousness is molding it, yet the jellyfish itself has properties that respond to the external forces. 

So that brings me to uncertainty and fear.  In the Consciousness Explorations course, we spent some time examining and banishing fears.  But the more I wonder about the emotion of fear, the more I feel it is not destined to be negative, that I can recognize that in the space of uncertainty I can bring in an image of what I am hoping to create.

Reflection On Working in the Unknown

A lot of what I have created thus far has been through the process of envisioning the possibilities that would lead to a healthy community.   What comes first in this envisioning process for me is to tap into the feelings of what I truly desire.  In my case, I want to see, feel and experience loving community.  I can envision people coming together, helping each other.  I see neighbors knowing one another and working together to help ease the burdens of life.  I see each of us helping our neighbors during crisis situations, but also sharing in good conversation, meals and activities that bring laughter.

Then there may be more specifics that come into clarity.  These are based on the problems I see in front of me. If I do this now these problems can seem overwhelming.  But when envisioning, the goal is to stay connected to a bigger truth.  To know that things will work themselves out, if slowly.   

When fear creeps in I can tell myself, this possibility is not what my soul chooses to experience.  Instead I choose to experience the highest possibilities.  I choose to take the high road in my thinking.

Through this constant realignment of my thoughts and feelings with what I am seeking to create I sharpen my intuitive guidance.  I inch closer to the ideal that I am wanting to bring into reality.

​Consciousness is powerful.  Intention is the key to creation.

We are coming up on 9 months soon, and I am feeling the squeeze.  Seven days a week is unsustainable.  Hiring people hasn't reduced my work-load since I am still helping to guide the new-comers in our philosophy.  

I have done big projects before, and so I know what it takes, and yet...

So I am asking myself, "where can I let go?"  

The Art Garage is going well, the attendance is still smaller than I would like, but we are really refining the curriculum which we will be able to maintain.  We have had great success merging our goals with those of Keegan's Krew and have been able to bring in the Virtues Project which has been part of our foundational goals from the beginning (check out our foundational doc for our philosophy) LINK

It is pretty incredible to see this philosophy finally finding its form and taking shape as a core curriculum using the 6 core Character Strengths and Virtues of Positive Psychology.   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Character_Strengths_and_Virtues

It is really great stuff to see in action.  But, at the same time we are not dealing with saints here, so it means I need to keep myself grounded in awareness of what is in front of me and not fly off into dreamland.

Basically, we are just starting and so I am not letting go of that.

We have brought in Saturday programming, it is also just starting. I believe I can let go of two days.  The coloring day, and Keegan's Krew, which are both easily run by Kelly and Bridget.  The STEAM and Song Writing are too close to my heart.

Obviously I am not letting go of the Chrysalis House.  I am even looking at where I can get another house!  We need more recovery.

CoDA has become the unique contribution of the Community House to the 12 Step programs in the area.  I am a huge fan, and believe we all need this as it guides on in how to become more authentic and intimate.  We started with one meeting on Tuesday and added a workbook meeting Wednesday and are now adding another meeting Mondays at 6!  If you want loving relationships, come join us!  I need this as much as anything so I won't let this one go.

Also, we have started Yoga and Meditation.  I call it Embodied Awareness instead of Yoga, because my training is in Thomas Hannah's Somatics, not formal Yoga training.  I love doing this, and it forces me to engage in my practice.  At some point I will have others come and lead us, and probably host other types of embodied health activities, including crystal bowl sound baths, youth yoga, eurhythmy, and much more.  So this is just starting, and just as much as I need CoDA I need this as part of my own emotional health. It is staying!

The Shop Co-Op is starting this month!  I am so excited.  We have an incredible new member of our team. Jason Pickles will become director of the First Apprentice program at the Community House.  He brings so much to our growing family!  I definitely can't give this up!

We have courses and lecture series.  I have been feeling the draw to work on the Already Leading course.  It keeps coming up for me.  So we are not going to let that go.  There is the Inspired Action course, and then there is the Aligning with Your Divine Blueprint.  This is a powerful framework that I have worked with before and lead to such incredible insights.  I am not sure I can do it though.  This may be what I have to let go of, for the moment anyway.  We will have to see.

Whew, that was hard work.  Needless to say, I have my plate full.  So if you want to just hang out and chit-chat, I probably can't join you until next January.  But please do come and do some yoga, catch a CoDA meeting, write some songs, or do some art with us at the Art Garage.  I want to see you, and it is really very fun.