Seeing a Difference

I have been working with one family for nearly 7 years now, and the other day I had the chance to see the power of this work.  One of my 'toughest customers' started with us at age 5. I remember when I first met him.  I was out in the yard, and he gave me the finger, and then I heard some crude comments. 

I remember calling out "I can hear you," then I thought to myself, who is this little jerk?

The first three years, I don't think he made it through an Art Garage without getting kicked out for throwing things, language, or fighting.  He would storm off and say I am never coming back, but then usually within a few minutes he would be back.  

The themes of his games and stories had many references to gangs and violence.  I allowed him to express these ideas, and then inserted some of my own. We created a choose your own adventure story.  He would tell me about what was happening and I would write it.  Then he would read the chapter outloud, practicing his reading, and learning about choices.  Each time his character would made a bad choice I would create a negative consequence in the story.  Good choices came with positive consequences.  This is a powerful learning tool, and lends a great deal of interest to reluctant readers.  

The problem with schools is that they don't allow students to express the ideas and thoughts that are living within them.  This leads the child to have to make sense of these troubling thoughts and experiences on their own.  It causes a division within themselves...home is completely separate from school.  

At the Community House Art Garage we are able to allow kids to follow their own interests, and to support their understanding of their life experiences that can lead them to choose positive life-affirming actions.  They can't just be punished.  They have to be given a choice.

Back to current day...this past Friday. I had all the materials out for our activites of the day.  We have a whole new crew of kids.  They are energetic and curious.  They are also quick to fight, steal and show behaviors that need to be addressed. 

This day, I had walked down the street to the 800 house and on my way back I ran into our new kids.  They were shouting about how someone wasted all the cornstarch, and I could see that his sweet face was covered.  I noticed that one girl had a bag filled with the materials for our projects.  I took the bag and scolded her.  I then told them Art Garage was cancelled for the day, and to come back next time.

This is how the boundary gets set that helps to change the behavior.  It is not easy, or fun, but it works.  Their behavior reminded me of many of the earlier Art Garage fiascos.  But this is the nature of the game.  This is as important as the art activities.  If these kids don't learn to regulate their actions, what chance do they have for a good life?  

What made me feel better about the whole experience was the awareness that none of my regular kiddos would have pulled that stunt.  They have learned something.  I am certain of it.